Someone once asked me and my twin sister if we don't mistake ourselves for the other one. I like to think she was joking but I don't think she was.

I knew a couple in my hometown. They were both out drinking and he decided to drive them home. Both drunk. He gets pulled over and they impound the car and take him to jail for a DUI and the officers decide to drive the girl home. She gets home..... gets in her car.... and drives to the police station to pick her boyfriend up. The officers notice its the same girl they just drove home and they arrested her for drinking and driving.

The following exchange is offered verbatim (or as near to it as I can remember): HER: That suit would look great on you. ME: (Checking the price) Too bad I don't have nine hundred dollars. HER: Just use your credit card. ME: I still wouldn't have nine hundred dollars. HER: What are you talking about? ME: I try to pay off my balance in full when I use my credit card. That's more than I can afford right now. HER: (Irritated) That makes zero sense. Nobody pays for credit cards! They give them to you! ME: Not the card; the balance. The bill. HER: What "bill?" ME: ... The credit card bill? The one you have to pay every month? HER: No, you don't. ME: Okay, well, I guess you can make minimum payments, but... HER: (Interrupting) What are you talking about?! You are making zero sense. If you don't like the suit, just say so! ME: I do like the suit, I just can't afford it. Using my credit card wouldn't magically make it so I wouldn't have to pay. HER: You don't pay for credit cards. God, what is wrong with you? ME: Wait. Do you mean that you've never paid your credit card bill? HER: There's no such thing! Credit cards are so you don't have to pay. It eventually came to light that the young woman had been given her credit card by her parents, who paid the balance for her whenever they received a bill. This revelation only occurred after I'd been accused of trying to make her feel guilty for buying sweatshop clothing, though I never did figure out where that connection occurred. TL;DR: Credit cards are not the equivalent of free money.

Happened just this last Sunday actually as me and my wife were having thanksgiving early with her family. My wife’s cousins husband said that vaccines were bad, sandy hook didn’t really happen, and that we didn’t really land on the moon. He said this all in the same conversation. I thought he was just joking but he assured me he wasn’t. I’m usually a pretty passive person but I f*cking lost it, the rest of the family had to separate us for a bit. The most aggravating thing was it didn’t matter what I said he was just like “you need to do more research.” Like mothercucker you just told me you learned this from watching a few YouTube videos. Oh my god I need a drink just thinking about it again.

Former co worker of mine and I were walking through a department store during the holidays. There's an area dedicated to ugly sweaters and one had the Star of David all over it. My co-worker points to it and says "oh, isn't that sweater for that Jewish holiday? What's it called? Holocaust?" I wish her the best.

My family and I were watching a program on TLC about cavemen. There were actors dressed up like Cavemen, doing cavemen things, as the narrator explained the scientific theory around what they thought their lives were like. My Sister was just in awe watching this. Mouth slightly open, eyes open wide. During a commercial break she asked the room, "How did they get the cameras back there?" We will never let her forget that she said that.

My grandpa's cleaning lady was making fun of me for believing that the ozone layer exists. She laughed out loud at me and said, " Then how do the rockets take off from Earth without crashing into it?" And continue to laugh and make fun of me for it for a good 10 minutes straight. I was so baffled that I just let her go on.

I work at an animal shelter and a woman asked me if we had any dogs that didn't poop. I told her no, all dogs poop. So she asked about cats.

In my communications class in high school, it came to my teachers attention that a few people in the class (which had about 15 students) didn’t have a basic grasp of world geography, so he pulled up an interactive world map on his computer and connected it to the projector. “Okay, so this is where we are. This is?” Class responds with “North America” “Okay, and down here?” (Cursor is hovering over South America) Two girls expressed confusion over what it was, so he told them it was South America. Next, he moved the cursor over Africa. And both of these girls, in unison, with full confidence blurted out “East America!” Later in the “lesson” one of the girls said that she thought North Korea was in the center of the US, and that’s why we have so many problems with them. My main concern was that I was in the same school district as them for all 12 years, and I wondered how the same system that worked for me had completely failed to work for them.

This middle-aged woman I work with at a fast food place was drinking a glass of superrrrr sweet tea when these words came out of her mouth: "My doctor said that I may have diabetes. I don't understand how, I never eat sugar"

Girl at uni didn't know chips were made from potatoes. When asked if the huge potatoes on the bags didn't give it away she said she thought it's only for design and she never reads the ingredients list, she doesn't have time for that.

Explaining to coworker that africa is a huge continent with dozens of countries. And no, you can't drive there from America.

Phone Customer: Can I pay with cash over the phone? Me:...

During a color war trivia game at summer camp, we were asked to name places the Olympics has been held. Someone mentioned Athens and the girl next to me started to lose her mind laughing. I asked her why and she responded "Isn't Athens that place from Harry Potter?" 10/10

When I worked at a call centre and someone said "Q for cucumber" to me.

A surprising amount of people in my life have thought that ham came from its own animal and had nothing to do with pigs. At least 2 of those people had this conversation while eating a ham sandwich after claiming not to eat pork.

I don't even know how to begin, here we go: I was a camp counselor for many years and periodically during the winter we would meet up for drinks/dinner to catch up. So I'm out to dinner with two girls I used to be on staff with and it's raining pretty hard outside (relevant info). And one of the girls who is staring outside, looks back at us, and says "isn't it amazing that it's raining around the world right now... I mean like, it's raining in Rome right now." Or something along those lines. It's important to note, that we were nowhere f*cking near Rome. And no way she somehow checked the weather in Rome before she came to meet us. My other friend probed her for more info in order to try to grasp what was happening and it became apparent. She literally thought that when it rained in one place, it rained around the globe simultaneously. It's mind-boggling. Local weather stations?: Nope never heard of it. Different climates?: Hell naw. I lost contact with the weather-goddess a few years ago but I still see my other friend a couple times a year. No matter what the weather is, we reference this quote.

I asked a friend what her favourite country was.. She replied Europe.. I said that's a continent and then she said London..

Me while watching a semi-friend do 10 seperate ATM transactions- "Why are you taking out $200.00 from the ATM in $20.00 increments? you are just adding up the $2.50 fee?" Semi-Friend - "It all adds up in the long run" Me - "No sh*t, it adds up to you wasting money" Semi-Friend- "No, trust me, it adds up."

Employee looking in box where we kept the nametags. "Which one is my nametag?"

"Do girls in your country get their periods?"

I had a customer yell at me that their donuts were supposed to be buy-one-get-one-free instead of half price. I had to explain how 1/2 + 1/2 was 1. Never understood it and just sneered ‘whatever’ at me and had me cancel their order

My friend thought due to time zone differences between the US and the UK you could place a bet in the UK on an NFL game that had happened in the US and cheat the system because it hadn’t happened yet in the UK.

A phone conversion with my now ex: Her: "I found a piece of candy on the floor" (in a wildly disgusting house mind you) Me: "Don't eat it" Her: "But it's still in the packaging" Me: "Do not eat it" Her: "I'm gonna eat it" crunch Her: various sounds of disgust Me: "I told you!" Her: "I don't think that was candy" Me: "Send me a pic of it" Cue a picture of definitely NOT candy, but a ceramic wall decoration with bible quotes on it labeled "Christmas decorations" with the top left chunk in pieces, still laying on the floor BITCH WAS ALMOST 18 YEARS OLD